"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."
- Anonymous Manufacturer
"Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier."
- Anonymous Traffic Report
"We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather."
- Arab News report
"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."
- Barbara Boxer, Senator
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.
"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
- Budapest Zoo sign
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Charles De Gaulle, former French President
"As Deng's health is now failing, many matters have been passed to Wan Li, who despite his age is still alive."
- company report, China Inc.
"Better make it six, I can't eat eight."
- Dan Osinski, Baseball pitcher, when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"Our strength is that we don't have any weaknesses. Our weakness is that we don't have any real strengths."
- Frank Broyles, College football coach
"It is white."
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White House was like by a student in East London
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel
"And now, will y'all stand and be recognized."
- Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House, to a group of people in wheelchairs on Disability Day
"For most people, death comes at the end of their lives."
- GLR broadcaster, UK
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
- Greg Norman, Golfer
"Does the album have any songs you like that aren't on it?
- Harry News, music reviewer
"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
- Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel
"I think everybody gets caught up in superstitions. But I don't put much stock in them... knock on wood."
- Jim Deshaies, Minnesota Twins pitcher
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
- Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery
"It is now 22 minutes past 8:30."
- Lynn Russell, WKAT radio disc jockey
"I say no to drugs, but they don't listen."
- Marilyn Manson, Singer
"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate."
- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.
"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
- Miss Alabama, in the 1994 Miss Universe contest, when asked if she would want to live forever.
"That's just the tip of the ice cube."
- Neil Hamilton, BBC2
"Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean."
- Pedro Guerrero, Baseball player, on reporters
"Permitted vehicles not allowed."
- Road sign on US 27
"Elephants Please Stay In Your Car."
- Safari park sign
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, on whether her had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece